Friday, August 08, 2003

Oh my, where *is* everyone?? OMG- there are so many negative vibes here already today (it's only 7am) that I'm liable to strangle someone (figuratively, of course!). All of this work politics/backstabbing/etc is just so *not* me that it just really has a way of putting me on edge, which I'm sure accounts for half the stress I feel here. I'm seriously considering getting on my hands & knees to *beg* to be moved 'cause the Ms Thing that sits behind me is just really keeping me from getting done when I need to. She questions how I do things (from training Samantha to whatever else). Always negative & always accusatory. So quick to place blame on someone else instead of taking responsibility.

Anywho.....I had the strangest dreams last night- the first one: Don't remember where or why, but Rick was driving one of those tour buses (you know, the ones that go to casinos & such. He was pulled over and I was walking down the sidewalk or something and happened to look in and there he was in the driver's seat LOL. I don't remember much after that, because my stepson called at 11:30 and woke us up. I think he & his girlfriend are driving up tomorrow afternoon & staying till Sunday so I may be scarce from noon Saturday to Sunday evening. Anyway the second dream wasn't quite so 'lovely'. I remember seeing people I work with (the nice ones, not the bitchy ones lol). I also remember having the knowledge that the dr. found that I had cancer, but it was in an odd place- it was like on the left side of my torso- but like all the left half of my torso or something. I said something to my coworkers about my hair and that I may as well do this (whatever it was) because I won't have it after the chemo. I was then at my house that I mainly grew up in and went across the street to a friend's house to tell her about my condition. I swear, it was like this was terminal, but yet I was at peace with it. It was like I only had about 3 months and was tying up loose ends. And it was *SO* realistic. Everything, everywhere just about made sense- the places were as they have been, the people, and the raw emotion. When I woke up from it, I pet my cat who was sleeping right next to me and I think it really took a minute or two to realize, and really *believe* that it was really only a dream. It just seemed so real and what baffled me is that I was so at peace with my situation in the dream- so odd since I'm petrified of death. It seemed as if I was completely acceptable of what was going to happen.

Well, I set the VCR but I doubt it'll be a hottie day.....I think ya'll took off with them- absent hotties & absent blog members....hmmmmmm......what gives? LOL : ) Oh well- maybe next will bring a return of the hotties and more posts.
Gotta start working- and also try harder to focus on my work, music, & photo:) so I can tune out "The Negatives" LOL.

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